Sunday, August 19

The bottom of Patientline

Full (bottom) marks to Patientline PLC who last week released an Interim Management Statement for the period from 1 April 2007 to 17 August 2007 ahead of the company's Annual General Meeting on 27 September. Patienline's shares remain at between 1-2p, hardly an impressive bottom line for its long suffering investors.
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The company's incompetent senior management are, they say, still looking for ways to sort out the company's debts of over 85 million pounds and declining sales.

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Since simply to reduce its products prices to affordable levels, understand the needs of sick people and sack half of its aloof senior management has not registered in its corporate conscience, Patientline's bosses have confirmed the obvious that a sale of its assets to NHS Trusts or the Department of Health is "unlikely to result in material reductions to the company's bank debts.'' That is hardly surprising since most of Patientline's equipment is as effective a leech would be to a diabetic heart attack victim. ''Other ideas for the reconstruction of Patientline's debt are being explored" says a company spokesperson in an attempt to convince the City they are not about to cease trading.
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As regular readers will know the cause of the recent crisis is Patienline's failure to solve its previous crisis brought about by crass incompetence and greed of its vastly over paid and very arogant directors.

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The company raised its charges in April 2007, but adverse publicity (for which this Blog is proud to have played a leading part) forced it to reduce prices in August. Outgoing bedside telephone call charges went up to 26 pence a minute, this was cut back to 10 pence a minute two weeks ago, or so the company announced.
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As with all things to do with Patientline the actuality is quite different; telephone calls to non BT land lines - i.e. NTL - remain at 26 p per minute with a minimum call rate of 40p. That means that most of Patientline's (sick) customers in, for example, Middlesbrough and Stockton will still be charged the increased rate; since in Teesside NTL (not BT) is the dominant telecom provider. All incoming phone calls are still charged at an eye-watering 49 pence a minute.
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Patientline's income to 27 July, the first four months of Patientline's financial year, fell a huge 21 per cent, which the company bosses correctly blamed mostly on adverse publicity from its price rises; of course the deluded souls only have themselves to blame.
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So why full (bottom) marks to Patientline? Well their statement to the financial press last week ended:

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"The board is continuing to work to reduce the cost base of the business. The board remains confident that these cost savings and the sales initiatives will result in positive cash flow for the year."
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Those words have to be the biggest corporate lie since Enron's auditors confirmed an other satisfactory year only a weeks before it collapsed. Well done Patientline PLC for issuing such fine quality corporate bull shit to investors, the Deparment of Health, their own staff and sick people; the late Robert Maxwell would have been envious before going overboard.
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The reality is that Patientline's board will all be out of work - and sadly so too will their 1,100 stressed and mosly hard working front line and call centre staff - within a matter of weeks or perhaps a few months at the very most. That collapse will cause yet more stress in NHS wards which will be an act of near criminal corporate incompetence by its lacklustre senior management.
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So there (yet again) we have it: when Patientline corporately bends over and Patientline's Directors do a group demonstration of the legendary Ouslem Bird on its last flight (for the benifit of the uninformed the unfortunate creature flew in ever decreasing circles until eventually it disappeared up its own rectum) the panty lines will be on full display around its embracing and very publicly viewed rear end.


A petition to 10 Downing Street can be signed on: http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/SickCharges/
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4 comments:

June said...

How on earth did you manage that contortion Peter?

Peter Troy said...

Well I bent over backwards to put my foot down with a firm hand whilst keeping all about me.

Stacy said...

Patient line is a load of rubbish can't use most of the services it says, mine went off for a day and they refunded me £1 yes £1, unable to read hotmail emails as it needs to download some updates to use it on a mobile device as patientline internet service is as the same as someone using a mobile phone, pointless as! when trying to load games in the after noon one is greated by there is a problem loading your games, I wasted £10 on this crap why don't hospitals just have one tv per ward and it aint hard to walk to the pay phone which is much cheaper

Anonymous said...

I'Ve just been in 2 hospitals for the past 6 weeks watching patientline.Biggest problem patientline has got is that mobile phones ARE allowed in bed!