Direct hit

Desmond Browne MP

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British troops in Basra were distinctly underwhelmed by Defence Secretary The Rt Hon Desmond Browne MP on his inaugural visit last month to troops in Basra, Iraq. "Smug, sleek and fat - and every inch a New Labour apparatchick" one of them informed the magazine Private Eye.

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The hero of the secetary of state's visit, however, was a young squaddie who, while Browne was meeting and greeting, asked what he knew of the military. "Not much," the minister admitted, "but what do you know about politics?" "Well sir," said the soldier, "I can lie well".